Re-Union

"It's judging things correctly without being able to give a reason. Surely you can see that this is not the same as knowing -- for how could knowledge be unreasoning? And it's not ignorance either -- for how could what hits the truth be ignorance? Correct judgement, of course, has this character: it is in between understanding and ignorance.

-- Diotima in 'Plato's Symposium'

In order to attempt to stimulate my mind and fashion new ideas, I have been researching the Prajñāpāramitā, specifically the Japanese [般若波羅蜜多]. 'The Heart Sutra' focuses explaining one of the most important Buddhist beliefs and one that I hold strongly. It is something that helps my mind to expand, and a way to create more compassion for the ones around us.

"When Avalokiteśvara, deep in meditation, observed the five skandhas
[He/She] saw that the skandhas were all empty of suffering." 

There is a lot of information here, and the Japanese translation only contains a few characters! 

Avalokiteśvara, the bodhisattva of compassion (reincarnated in our lifetime into His Holiness) was deep in meditation on the Diamond Sutra when he came across the five heaps, or skandhas. These skandhas are the phenomenological world as we see it. His Holiness likens them to the strings of String Theory, and the original Buddhists described them as five-fold; form, sensations, perception, mental-activity, consciousness. Avalo is saying that these five phenomena (the building blocks of our world) are void, filled with emptiness. In other words, they do not contain the suffering of the First Noble Truth. 

This, to put it lightly, is something that is remarkable to contemplate today, let alone to state it thousands of years ago. It means, that the First Noble Truth does not apply to the phenomena of the world. It makes the human mind the sole responsible entity, like a lantern fueled by one's thoughts, casting alternately light and shade. They fill the void with this 'energy', though I hesitate to use that word. It reminds me of the American proverb about being grease, instead of sand. Help lubricate (enlighten) situations, instead of causing friction (shade).

This also means that the world is therefore mixed in the mire of intellectual graffiti, one lantern shining alone giving only a specific appearance from a certain vantage point. It will, most assuredly, not be the item as a whole, just as color is hard to discern at night. While you are alone, there is no way to compare aside from two objects directly observed (this one is white, this one is not white, etc). It is as though you are always walking through the forest, flashlight in hand. No matter which way you shine it, there is still darkness around it. So, interacting is the only way to shine two lanterns onto one object of intention and this helps create a clearer picture of what one is trying to discover. What if even more 'lanterns' where to shine upon an object?

"Being in the middle of the two, they round out the whole and bind fast the all to all." - Diotima Symposium 

I will continue to use this in my meditation as often as possible. Light or shade can be cast without differentiation. The only change one can make is by using actions with proper attention and intention. This does not mean that you must at every point shine bright light. Some situations call for more shade, 'They round out the whole and bind fast the all to all.' If it is done to relieve suffering, a Buddhist uses both shade and light.

"Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle." - John Watson

I hope this has given you a little to think on, as is my only goal with this humble blog. In conclusion, the 'Heart Sutra' is, in my opinion, the heart of Buddhist literature. It shows, like modern philosophers believe, that the world is inherently empty and void of meaning. However, with proper knowledge of one's own mind, it is a world worth exploring, lantern in hand without judgement. 

'Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate  Bodhi Svaha.' [Gone, gone, gone beyond. Gone totally beyond enlightenment, praise.]

So It Goes

"So it goes." - Kurt Vonnegut Slaughterhouse Five

It has been a full year since my last post. It has flown the flight of a hawk's feathers over a warm air current. 

"What has happened?" One might ask. 

Life happened, and it has been glorious. 

I have had a change of jobs, and while it has seemed it is for the better, it has become a bit stagnant. The mire that all humans trudge through, a world that never quite meets expectation. A life where what you want, is not what you think you want. I am a Key Badge (renewed for another two years), a manager and yet still mostly a budtender. Managing a shop on my own is truly what I love. However, it does not come with the responsibilities I love, such as; understanding and manipulating stock orders, making prices, setting sales, general marketing. It does still include those I thought I was above; cleaning toliets, cleaning up after other people (physically and regarding stock). But, I am never above anything, a brother of the Middle Way. So it goes.

My relationship has blossomed into a beautifully fragrant flower. A lingering scent of progress and affection in the truest variety that fills me with the warmth of a thousand summers. Eep and I have moved in with each other. I was unsure I would ever be able to muster the courage to do more in honor of this love, but I have grown into the role quickly while still allotting time to refresh and reinvigorate myself. Our schedules are a bit awkward though. She, a night nurse, gets home at in the morning at eight thirty. I leave for work at nine. This is a truly short period of time. If you have ever been in love, you know the feeling. I am drawn away from the campfire in the dead of night for watch. I am left wishing with all my heart that there was more. Even given that, it is the best twenty minutes of my day. So it goes.

My life is still full of philosophy. My life-blood, producing something within me that is thought provoking and creative. The use of several different points of view, to paint the vivacity of living. A Wittgenstein-esque logic forming a picture of the world. A picture that is sadly always just moments outdated, and getting older. Still we move on, using these pictures as tools for a future, as reflections of our selves past. I spoke with my father, as I frequently do, regarding the Stoicism of Ancient Greece and Rome. A propensity towards the theory that we share. The Stoic's Truth, a pinball in the great machine of life. Bouncing off experience and event, solace only to be found in one's own mind. Calm and aloof one can see the deterministic world for what it is, unflinchingly out of our control. The skill is explained in many ways; The "Heart of Stone", Yoda, the Buddha's Four Truths, Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, Zen Masters Koans, Jesus of Nazareth's Parables. The theme spans cultures, societies, and time. If you are in control of your mind, the world is beautiful and terrible, and that has never changed, but you can conjure a level head to see past it. It is something I think we lose in modernity. The fast pace reflections of interactions arriving instantly through handheld screens. Prestige syphoned down into a readable number surrounded in red. You will see more images today than your elders saw in a lifetime, and you will only crave for more. So it goes.

Turning the Wheel

1/4/16

Another day of work, no S again. But the two bosses decided to show up together today, which means enough work to keep busy, which is good. Most of the day was spent thinking about rent and my check bouncing. The bank had double charged some visa transactions over the weekend (which of course was the most expensive item I had bought all week), had overdrawn before my paycheck went in (today) and therefore charged me an overdraft on top of double charging me. So I called the bank, and they assured (after pre-recorded message stating this happened to many customers) that it would be taken care of in the bank where the check was being cashed. 

I took the 15 bus home, which was both late (20 minutes) and the stop had moved a block up since the new year. 

I got home about 20:20 from cashing my check and getting picked up by E (a treat). We went to my house to watch Rick and Morty with T (my roommate), take a shower, and head off to sleep-land.

1/5/16

Woke up today very unmotivated and tired. It was a struggle to get out of my warm blanket cocoon, and into the frigid morning. I got to the shop only to find one other person, my boss. My other coworker had called off on account of something I found a bit, unconvincing. Like that, once more, I am doing the work of 2 people again until I am relieved by my later shift co-workers. 

It was such a strange morning. So much so, that my boss asked me, 

"You are a person who thinks, what is the meaning of life?" 

Hilarious. [Kev recommendation: Ease someone into elaborate metaphysical questions, or you may pull a muscle.] I responded with as accurate an answer as could be finagled in such a sort span of time. 

"Life is a meaningless search for meaning."

Needless to say, the conversation pretty much ended there and this one must 'right straight on'.

The Calm

Inara: [to Simon] You're lost in the woods. We all are. Even the captain. The only difference is he likes it that way.

Mal: [walks in] No, the only difference is the woods are the only place I can see a clear path.

1/2/16

The day came and went, got some wonderful time with E. I am so deeply in love with her and it continues to amaze me every day. We made breakfast, at 14:00. I still believe that it should just be called 'food' especially noting how many pancakes I eat after noon. We missed C&J again. We tried hard to get together with them, but alas, best laid plans. 

E and I stayed together for most of the day and after food we walked to A's from some good conversation and company. A, B, and D were also there. I am happy to see D realizing more of her self as the days go. It is the true natural goodness I see building in her. 

We returned to E's for some more time together. I shall miss her tomorrow during my full day of budtending, afterward having some time to hang out with the roomate.

I also decided to treat myself to an early birthday present named 'Battlefront', a fun game, if a bit sparse on single player activities. 

1/3/16

I went through a normal Sunday of work with a slight boost from the weekend with Love. This boost was quickly diminished when my [once] coworker S decided to not show up for her shift. The New Years party must have been too much for her, but she has yet to tell anyone. 

Tonight is the holiday party, yet we have yet to know both where or what it will entail. We spoke of some house event that fell quickly by the wayside, slowly weaving it's annoying pattern into my employment. But, as always, working with B and O helps to make it much more manageable. 

We blazed a huge blunt of Girl Scout and Sueno [after our 12's] that really did it's job, which was getting us to the buffet at Mr. India's BBQ. A very unremarkable name for a restaurant of the same feeling, and food. It is funny how quickly a food becomes commercialized in America. Not too many years ago it would be very strange to see an Indian restaurant, but now, they have risen all the way to mediocrity.

But, yet, it was free with drinks included. This meant a Miller light and a plate of lamb, Saag, and a healthy amount of Naan. The food was quickly overshadowed by the enjoyment of engaging colleagues outside of TGT and it's cave-like backroom. We goofed around [after bro-ing all day at work] and laughed at the two (maybe three) times that B missed his bus. I took a ride home with J, after receiving a pretty sweet gift bag from the establishment.

This one went to E's, and realized that he actually [despite himself] loves to share a bed with another human, especially one as amazing as E. Being near another form allows more smoothness of sleep, and awakening. 

MMXVI

I will attempt to continue this blog more often in this MMXVI: Thanks to anyone who reads this!

Entry from the new journal, a gift from E.

 

7/26/15

My dearest Kevin Scott,

I love you more than I can say. I hope you are able to fill this journal with magical adventures of the arbor, together and apart. Your words are always comforting and exciting. To our journal - I love you always.

-ER

12/31/15

The String Cheese Incident New Years show:

The show was amazing. After attempting to bring a full group with us (for free) E and I went by our lonesome, and it was the choice to make. We roll up about 21:30 and get our VIP badges. We use them and a good bluff and we're all the way into the VIP lot (still not sure we were supposed to be there). When you act like you belong, you belong and no one questions it.

We enter the FirstBank Center and immediately it is smokey and full of wookiees. I feel almost like I am back in the Forest, but only in small ways. We enter and down a couple drinks and edibles before getting on the floor and starting our groove. We stay for a while and dance together, well dance near each other. One thing that I have definitely noticed is that E and I dance in very different styles and it is so beautiful that I wish to participate, but it mucks with the flow and leads to something less groovy. But that is good, I love her independence more than anything.

After wandering around and finding my (momentary) co-worker S, we get back to the floor for the countdown. We put on our 3D glasses and watch a mermaid and some super trippy visuals, and some inspirational words from the band. Jellyfish emerge from the stage and we just let loose. A promise to the new year; don’t force the flow.

1/1/16

This first of the year comes quickly and I am happy to be starting a new journal, like a new chapter in the store of an American Man (though some would still say ‘boy’). The coming year will be unlike any other. The changes that are coming are almost palatable, and the events passed, point only towards a prosperous future. So many thoughts, so much love.

23:00

The most wonderful human/lover/friend came over today. ERL, my lady love, and the barer of my heart. We have learned so much in the recent past, about ourselves and each other. And what I know, is that she is a force for magnanimous good in myself and in our world, and for that I will love her until we return to the cosmos, or get to the end of the turtles. 


A prosperous year to all. -K

A Little Sartre

'But each type of human conduct, being the conduct of man in the world, can release for us simultaneously man, the world, and the relation which unites them, only on condition that we envisage these forms of contact as realities objectively apprehensible and not as subjective affects which disclose themselves only in the face of reflection.'

Chapter One: The Origin of Negation
Being and Nothingness
Jean-Paul Sartre

So philosophy, it only took you thousands of years to get to a place tread by, supposedly, Siddhartha Gautama, Wittgenstein, and any bloke that says 'It is as it is'. But in this is further truth: You only find difference between yourself and the world around when you expend the energy to look for them. This is what, I think, makes the world so frightening and foreign to many  in the current state.

What's more frightening and foreign is, finding your way back is as simple as allowing the world and your 'self' (Sartre would say 'consciousness') to rediscover each other. That place being always as near as the ground underfoot.

So take today (if you even got this far) and look at all the ways the world let's you in, continues your existence, and gives a place to lay one's head.

'If you like me, a-thank you...'

Year of the Horse

“Those who are able to enter the truth through intuitional grasp of the state of just acting are like good horses.” ~Dogen

The world begins to look brighter these days. Mostly thanks to the Denver sun and hospitality, gratitute for both. As the Horse, this year will take effort, as living always does. It is good though, work can be fun with right thought. Seeing the world through different eyes in a different town can be slightly alienating, but the seasons allow for a connection to naturally grow. Forgive the pun.

But if Dogen is right then everyone is a good horse. The 'intuitional grasp' is always at hand for those who look. Humans came about to explore, see new things, react to them unflinchingly, and ride on. So ride on. The world is exciting and beautiful with tons of new things to learn, places to be, people to entertain. 
"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends. And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream." 

Martin Luther King, jr.
Today we hark'n,
Remember that oldest dream,
For all, Freedom rings.